Photo Credit: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Tony Awards Productions
I was 16 years old when my father walked away from me at a London Underground station after we argued about a transit pass. He told me he no longer wanted to be part of our lives, and I stood there frozen, unable to think or react. My mind felt blank and silent, and eventually, I forced myself to walk away from him.
The first step felt like hitting a solid wall, filled with pain and disbelief. Then the emotions rushed in with full force. I cried uncontrollably, struggling to breathe and unable to see clearly. I walked without paying attention and only realized how lost I was when I found myself on the wrong platform. Still crying, I changed direction and headed toward the correct one.
As I approached the right platform, I suddenly saw him walking straight toward me. I held my breath, believing for a moment that he had returned to apologize. I imagined the argument fading, and him coming back to find me because he cared. Before those hopeful thoughts fully formed, he walked right past me without speaking or looking at me. In that moment, I felt invisible and erased. That was the last time we ever spoke.
I do not know much about him, but a few details remain in my memory. I remember his name, that he could whistle, and that he liked wearing a
leather bomber jacket. I believe his favorite drink was Tennent beer, and he enjoyed Nigerian dishes like ground rice or gari with egusi or ogbonno soup. We share a gap between our front teeth, and to my surprise, he can sing too.
After he left, I spent years trying to prove my worth so he might come to love me. I wanted to be extraordinary so he would see value in me. With time, I stopped seeking his approval. I now understand that not everyone who becomes a parent is meant to fulfill the emotional role of
one. Some people may only be part of bringing a child into the world, not raising them.
I no longer carry resentment. I accept that his life and mine are separate journeys. Although I once worked hard to earn his love, I now know I was worthy all along. I focus on my own growth and creativity for my own fulfillment. Today, I feel at peace, and I want him to know I am fine without a relationship with him. I release him entirely, and through that choice, I am free.
